A Sudden Epiphany / Sakura-centric / SasuHina - Preview
Some of you might remember me mentioning about writing a one-shot between Sasuke and Sakura in retaliation to the Anti-SasuHina fans (a.k.a. Haters) bashing our favorite pairing. Well, I wanted to post a small snippet of the story, just to give you an idea what point I'm trying to prove. Also, it's important to know I'm not bashing any character in this one-shot and I'm faithfully sticking to IC-ness. When I have the rest of it done, I'll post the full version here. ^^ ~ ~ ~ ~ Pre-Timeskip (Before Sasuke's defection) "B-b-but... Hinata is infatuated with Naruto. Everyone knows that! And you... you are the complete opposite! Brooding, dark boys aren't her type!" "A person loyally in love with an idiot," Sasuke quipped with distaste, "Is not impossible to sway. All she needed was a little convincing and..." Next, he smirked smugly, as if sharing an inside joke with himself I couldn't possibly dare to understand. "Let's just say, I opened her eyes to possibilities that did not have to include Naruto." I deadpanned in horror, the muscle beneath my eye twitching violently. Whatever he did to woo Hinata, I did not want to know. ~ ~ ~ ~ Opinions? :)

I can honestly say with what little you have here it seems like it could very well be a good read. It looks like you've kept both Sasuke and Sakura in character. One thing I do have to comment on is this, "Next, he smirked smugly..." You should always take care when using adjectives and even more so with adverbs. It might seem simpler to use them, but remember you are telling a story and your words help form the picture in the readers head. So you must try to flesh scenes out so the picture can be more filled out. So instead of using, "Next, he smirked smugly..." try something like, "his mouth twisted up at the corners in a self-satisfied smile..." then go on with the rest of the sentence. I wouldn't, however, change anything from later in the paragraph, "...the muscle beneath my eye twitching violently." An eye twitching violently has a distinct image and there is little else you could do to describe it differently. ( I would use 'twitched' instead of 'twitching' though. It keeps the events in past tense rather than half in past and the other in present tense. I.E.: 'my eye twitched' as opposed to 'my eye twitching'.)

...Can I call you senpai? :glomp SENPAI!! Or if you don't like senpai - MASTER!!! :glomp Lol, omg I've always wanted someone to help me in my writing. Like pointing out specific stuff and correcting my errors. Believe it or not, I can improve a lot faster out of criticism. I'm still sixteen and have been writing stories for more than 3 years - and at this point I've been teaching myself and learning Lang. Arts in regular English classes. T__T So, really. Thanks mialuv998. I like your wise input. It's very appreciated. Spelling and punctuation is no problem for me. My grammar is... well, I'm getting better, but it's obvious I need to work on Past/Present Tense. :kickcan And I also need to broaden my vocabulary...

There really is no better teacher of grammar than to learn as you write. I, for one, was very poor at grammar. Having forgotten almost all of what I'd learned in school, which really wasn't much to begin with. (in high school english was my least favorite subject next to gym) As for your lack of vocabulary, I'd highly suggest keeping a dictionary and thesaurus on hand. I used to have One dictionary and 3-5 different thesauruses. (two paper backs, 3 hard backs)

Here's the screenplay version of the core scene between Sasuke and Sakura. To summarize the situation, Sakura spotted Sasuke spending time with Hinata in a tender manner and is angrily confounded by the prospect (of them being a couple). So, next morning, Sakura confronted Sasuke about it and they end up arguing. Naruto's lucky absence can be passed as oversleeping. :wink: It's basically the dialogue outline. I haven't completely written out the details, yet. However, if someone is interested in offering any input or ideas, I'm open for it. We could work together to complete this one-shot in retaliation to the SasuHina haters bashing our pairing. :twisted: ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Sakura: "Ohayo, Sasuke-kun!" :D :sasuke : "Hn." Sakura: "So, why weren't you here yesterday, Sasuke-kun?" :? :sasuke : "...I was sick." Sakura: "You feeling better now?" :) :sasuke: "Hn." Sakura: :sasuke: "...I don't like you disturbing my peace and quiet." :sasuhead :hinahead Sakura: "I can't see why you picked Hinata. She isn't even your type." :sasuke : "What I don't see is how my personal life is any of your business." Sakura: "It is my business. You're my teammate. I am your friend, no matter how much you deny it. And when there's something I don't know about, which involves you, of course I'll feel put out." :sasuke : "I can do whatever I want without consorting you." Sakura: "..." :doh2 "You didn't choose her because you want to rebuild the clan, did you? Haven't you thought about what your children will be like? :tw What if they are born with mutant freaky eyeballs? A fusion between the Sharingan and Byakugan - anything could happen!" :sasuke : :conf1 "...interesting." Sakura: "Are you crazy?! :yell You should feel mortified, not intrigued!!" :sasuke : "You're overreacting." Sakura: "The two of you have never interacted!" :sasuke : "Doesn't mean we aren't aware of each other's existence." Sakura: "There's no chemistry, from what I can tell." :sasuke : "Chemistry doesn't have to been seen in order to exist." Sakura: "Your personalities don't mix." :sasuke : "So? :| It's nothing Hinata and I can't handle." Sakura: :evil: "You two have no connections whatsoever. The only thing you guys can possibly have in common is your bloodline. What makes you think this could even work?" :sasuke : :x "What makes you think you have a say in this matter?" :shock: "I won't tolerate you degrading Hinata in my presence. You obviously don't know her well enough if you think she is unworthy of my attention." Sakura: "B-b-but... Hinata is infatuated with Naruto. Everyone knows that! And you... you are the complete opposite! Brooding, dark boys aren't her type!" :sasuke :"A person loyally in love with an idiot is not impossible to sway. All she needed was a little convincing and..." "Let's just say, I opened her eyes to possibilities that did not have to include Naruto." Sakura: :tw "I bet you your relationship with her won't even last long! I don't think she can handle you. I mean, Hinata's so... She's so shy and awkward and you--." :blink: "Uh, w-what I meant to say was..." "You two are very quiet people. H-how do you... you know..." :sasuke : "We're not vocal about our affections like you and Naruto." Sakura: :waa "How dare you just... brush me aside like that, Sasuke-kun!" "What I feel for Naruto is strictly out of friendship. It's nothing compared to the love I feel for you. Why can't you understand that, you baka..." "Why Hinata?! What does she have that I don't?" :sasuke : "Many things. It's pointless to tell you anyway. Because no matter what, you won't be satisfied unless it's you. :x Grow up already." :cry: ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ So... opinions? Good? Bad? Evil? Marvelous? XDD